List of things to ban: cars, trucks, hammers and religion

opener-hammer1While our government has wrapped itself around the axle with gun control and banning those things that supposedly “kill”, why don’t we take our new found sensitivity to dangerous items found in our society and extend the ban to anything that might harm us.

For example, cars and trucks kill and injure far more people on a daily basis than guns do, so let’s ban them.  Perhaps the American people can rest assured, as they bicycle to work every morning, that they will no longer have to hear reports of fatal accidents on the roadways any longer.

But let’s not stop there.  Religion and government are responsible for some of the most brutal atrocities that our world has ever seen (Islam, Nazis, Jews vs. Palestines, Sikh genocide and countless others).  So, let’s ban religion and government too.  No more religion.  No more government.  There, atrocities magically stop.

But wait?  Hammers actually kill more people per year than guns do, so we better throw those into the mix, too.  No more hammers.  Try pounding in your next nail with the butt end of a screw driver instead, or perhaps an old shoe, or computer hard drive that will no longer spin.

How about cell phones?  Texting and talking while driving contributes to more and more of the accidents that we see and hear about on the roadways.  But with cars and trucks already banned, this’ll be more of an issue with riding your bicycle while distracted talking on your cell phone.  Thus, off with the cell phones!  No more.  Find one of those large rectangular boxes with something that resembles an “old school” telephone next time you need to talk to someone while on the go.

And let’s not forget all those violent movies and video games.  No more movies with blood.  No more video games where the object of the game is to destroy monsters, zombies or other enemy armies.  Car racing games are out, too, because – well, cars are banned, and it sends a bad message to glorify something that is banned.

Bees kill – especially killer bees, so let’s ban bees too.  Snakes are harmful, so add them to the list.  What about Black Widow spiders, scorpions, lions, tigers?  Let’s just have one big genocide of animals.  Feel safer?

But by all means, let’s keep around all those mind-altering drugs and continue our practice of loading our kids up with them.  There, that should keep us safe from…ourselves, right?